Thursday, January 3, 2013

My Sugar Pedestal

One of my biggest comforts is sugar. This is my inherent problem. I love it. I can't get enough. It is my drug. The first step of addiction recovery is to admit there is a problem. Anyone who sees me in a bikini can see I have a problem. But, when I have clothes on, I'm good at covering it up. I've had to be. My body is not looking the way I want and it brings up feelings of shame and defeat. Fooling others by hiding my rolls and bulges has taken practice and energy and frankly I'm worn out from it. My dirty little secret is that I sneak sugar. Candy, ice cream, cookies, they all make me feel better. When I'm stressed, feeling down, or just need something to look forward to I turn to sugar. I eat it {a lot of it}when I'm alone and no one can see. The problem with dirty little secrets is that they are like dirty laundry; one day they are aired out for all to see and then one becomes ACCOUNTABLE.

Accountability is "to accept responsibility and disclose results in a transparent manner." It's the opposite of trying to fool people. I know the only one that I have been fooling is myself. Granted, sugar addiction doesn't have the devastating physical effects of alcohol or cocaine but the mentality is the same and that is what I need to change. I'm too smart for that and I know God has bigger and better plans for me. I can't be ready to do what He wants if my focus is on the cinnamon roll I want to have for breakfast. So where is my motivation? Being accountable is motivating, but if I isolate myself and tell everyone that it's all "fine," who am I being accountable too? Wanting to fit into my jeans without needing Spanx to hold everything in has not been enough to keep me from putting Milk Duds in my popcorn. Ugh.

I came across a book recently that has inspired me to let go of this burden and start this journey. For those of you that don't know her, Lysa Terkurst is the president of Proverbs 31 Ministries. She is also the author of "Made to Crave", the book that is helping me change my life.

Let me back up for a minute and give you a little more information about me. Along with my realization that I needed to make changes in my weight and health, I have also realized that I have put God and my spiritual growth on the "back burner." Does this sound familiar to anyone? I was raised to believe in God but it wasn't until I had my first child that I was taught about following Jesus. It forever changed me. I had some very dark years (I will share some of that another time) but Jesus taught me about GRACE and that saved me. Literally. So who am I to put HIM on the back burner?

At this point you may be wondering what Jesus and losing weight have in common? After all, Jesus is supposed to be more concerned with what's in my heart than how many rolls I have hanging over my jeans, right? Well it's true He is. BUT he's also very concerned with what I am desiring. Earlier I shared that one of my deepest desires is sugar. Jesus wants my deepest desire to be Him. He wants me to turn to Him when I'm stressed or feeling down. I have put sugar on a pedestal and become obsessed with its effects. I turned it into an idol. Now, as I put my Lord and Savior back into His rightful place on that pedestal, and do the work I need to in order to keep Him there, my journey begins.

Now back to Lysa for a second. Her blog is great, her devotionals are funny and inspiring, and this book (the first I have read of hers) has given me the direction and pointed out the source of motivation that I have been searching for. For the next several weeks, I will share with you what I have learned from her and how it is truly helping me make the significant changes I need to. It's motivation, accountability and grace all rolled into one! I can't think of a better way to start off 2013. Can you?

{H}

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